Post Title

.I just wanted to hop on here a update you all on what has been happening in my life since I have not posted for quite some time.

At the end of July I finally got an interview for a job. It was for a position at a dental lab as a driver. I was so nervous about going because I thought that I would not want it nor would I get it. After about an hour I got the job. I was so happy to finally have a full time job. I was to start two weeks later. The following week I went to girls camp. I was so excited to be able to go. Growing up in the church I was able to go to camp each year. I hated it. I was miserable because a lot of the girls would leave me alone or just ignore me. For some odd reason this year was different. Maybe it was because I was determined to change how I felt about it and make it the best experience that I could for myself but mainly for the girls that I would be around. I was over capers(chores) at camp. I was able to have a fun leader to work along side. For the first part of the week I had a bit of a bad attitude about some things. On Tuesday I had a thought pop up in my head. I didn't need to worry or be nit picky about what was going on. I was influenced by Satan for a couple of days and that was bringing me down. I quickly changed my attitude. I also said a prayer of forgiveness and for help to see others in a more Christ like manner. My whole world opened up after that prayer. I have not been able to think the way that I did before since then. All my thoughts are now less judgmental but also very centered on helping and inspiring others. So the rest of the week was amazing and very helpful in my growth.

On Saturday morning a couple of the girls and I drove home really early so we could go to the YSA conference that was taking place that afternoon. I think that we woke up around 5:50ish so we could leave at 6. I can't remember right now. Jess drove first then I drove the rest of the way. I got home showered after talking to my mom then got ready for the conference. That's right. I did not get to take a nap. So I was basically dead the entire time. For the last activity of the day we headed out to a River Cats game. I am pretty sure that I was the only girl there that actually watched the game. As it got dark the cold weather kicked in. I get cold easily so this was bad for me. I was freezing for well over an hour before we got a blanket to share. After the game they launched fireworks. I have never been so close to them before. It was loud and awesome. We got lost for a bit then finally found our way home.

The next day was the fireside that would bring the conference to an end. It was really good. I enjoyed it and took as many notes as my brain could catch(still dead). I went home hung out with my family then ended up going to bed later than I wanted(a little past midnight). Bright and early Monday morning I started my job. It was great! I was taught quite a bit. The rest of the week went by pretty fast. I didn't realize how much stress I was putting on my body. I didn't really get a good amount of sleep for the first couple of weeks. To add to the stress of a new job, I was called as the first counselor in my singles ward Relief Society. I love it! It is a lot of fun and I am able to get to know the girls better.

At my last dental appointment I found out that I should be getting my braces off around the end of January. I am so excited! I have these coils on my arch wire that catches so much food. I hate it. The only thing about the is that they got rid of the spaces in between my teeth(yay!).

Last night I remembered about these stories that I had started when I was like 11. My goal is to have them completed before the end of the year. It was really cool to read them and see how my brain worked when I was younger. Awful spelling and punctuation but pretty awesome grammar.

Well that is all for now. I don't think that I have anything else to put here and this post is rather long so I will finish up. Thanks for reading!

With love,

Sarah

P.S. I bought a bunch of plants in the clearance section at Lowe's. Best purchase ever? I think so.


 

Our garden!

My dad has wanted to start a garden for a while now and this year we finally started one! We have corn, green beans, strawberries, cucumber, squash, 4 types of tomatoes, basil, watermelon and about 6 different types of lettuce. Here are some pictures of the garden.

These pictures are just about a week old. Some of the corn plants are taller than me! Don't mind my toes in the fourth picture. I was able to make a vegan pesto with the basil that we grew. This is what it looked like.

Pretty huh? It is a very light pesto because it does not have any parmesan cheese in it so my mom can eat it too. I picked some of the veggies two days ago and this is what I ended up with.

My mother, sisters and I took a drive to look for sticks on a nature walk. My mom wanted to use them for some crafts that she had planned. While we were driving I noticed a banner for a farmers market in Forest Hill. I may have begged a little(a lot) to go. We were able to see a little of what some of the locals had to offer. Not a lot of farmers were there. There were more people with handmade items. I was able to try some really yummy fig balsamic vinegar at the first stand. The market was small but nice for how far out of the way the town is.I want to head over to the Auburn Farmers market one of these days. It is supposed to be one of the best here in the Sacramento area. We have a farmers market by our mall on Saturday mornings that I want to check out. I would like to find someone who sells raw honey. Raw honey on a PB sandwich is the best. So sweet and creamy. 

Since my life has not been crazy enough to post on here and that it is too late to think. I will just end this post now. I hope you enjoyed the pictures of our garden. Don't worry I will have a long post about random this from my life sometime before next week comes along.

-Sarah

P.S. Should I start a food blog for all the new recipes I will be trying this Summer/Fall? Let me know in the comments section what you think.

Knots in my stomach and other things.

I don't know why but I have had knots in my stomach for the past 4-5 hours. I know that they are not from thinking about school or work. Why are they there? Is it part of a sixth sense? A random thought hiding in the back of my brain? Is something supposed to happen? So many questions but, no answer. I had these knots last week for a few hours a day then they came back Monday morning. I am puzzled as to why I keep feeling this way. I have been thinking about things that have happened these past couple of days and the past few weeks they may be the cause of this feeling. Last time I had such a feeling it found out that I was supposed to move to Utah. Am I going to move somewhere? Is there someone who I will be meeting that will make a big difference in my life or that I am going to impact? Have I already met this person? I know. I need to stop questioning so much and just relax a little. Breath   

I have two days left at school before the semester ends. It is crazy to think that we are done next week. My teachers said that it would fly by. I remembered them saying it. It is crazy that it has happened. I got two jobs and am finishing up this semester. I will finally be able to continue my treatment for my braces! I am excited! I have to call in the morning to make the appointments to start again. I hope that they have openings for next week or the week after that. I don't want to wait any longer than that. Don't get me wrong. I love these bad boys to death. They are fixing my teeth and I love them for it. I am not looking forward to the adjusting though. It will be just like the very first time. I will rest that day. Hopefully I can get a Friday appointment.

Hmm. Thoughts. On texting that is. I was remembering back on a night that I spent with some people. Everyone was on their phone at one point. It lasted about 5 minutes. Yes. I did count the minutes. I was so sad. I don't think that I showed it to them. I could not believe that someone let alone 4 people would be so disrespectful as to hop on their phones and just pay attention to them. I did not get on my phone that night. I don't think I even looked at it for the rest of the evening. I was so sick of it. I wanted to throw all electronic devices away because of the stupidity of them. Why would you let yourself lose all respect for the company that you had and focus just on a phone. Why is the person on the other end more important that me or any of the other people at the table. Am I overreacting to this? No. Never. It should not be OK to turn away from people when you can't think of something to say. Ask about their toothbrush. The latest drug raid. What they think of their hometown. So many things to think of. If, by chance, you draw a blank. Pull out your fancy phone to Google questions to ask but tell them first. Say that you want to ask some crazy questions and are going to look for a fun list. I am sure that one could find a rather extensive list of things to ask that could lead to a conversation so amazing that one would forget everything in the world because it is so cool. I am glad that I don't have a smart phone. I think that I would become dumber from it. When I had my iPod Touch I did not put any type of game on it. I did not want to waste my life on a game. I also did not want to be disrespectful of anyone and shut them out because I thought that in that moment my electronic device was worth more in the world than they were.

Can I just also add that I do not like texting? I can't feel their emotion. I am unable to see the pain or happiness that they are currently feeling. I want to understand you. Not guess about what I think you might have meant. I love to write(hence the blog). I love to understand people through writing but nowadays people have these short blurbs that they send back and forth. Then they complain about not knowing the person. Well then, get off the phone and talk in person. Like a real human being. Or call them up. If you are unsure about whether or not they can talk send them a text to ask first. I believe that I am one of the select few who still text like they send an email. Not a brb, lol, ttyl or gtg. But a "Hey how are you doing today?". I will sometimes put "What's up?" in a message but for the most part I do not like this text lingo. I can't understand it or the person that is sending it. I misunderstand things all the time because of how little wording people use. Sorry if my reply has nothing to do with what you were thinking. It had everything to so with what I thought you meant though. I am just not able to catch what you were trying to say in your four word message. I do still text though. I have not completely given up on it. I will text you if I really want to talk to you. Or I will text you about where we are meeting to hang out. I would rather talk to you in person. I like talking to people. No matter how nervous I get, I still prefer talking to texting someone any day of the week. I feel like I can be a better friend if I talked in person to them.

Well I will stop complaining now.

Goodnight world!

-Sarah <3

End of the semester-ish.

This is the weekend of the third to last week of school. Lets just say that I did not really enjoy this semester as much as I could have. I will admit it. I have homework that was due weeks ago to finish this next week. I lost all motivation to do it. I am slowly getting it done now. At the end of the semester. Exactly what I did not want to do. I wanted to study my rear end off for the best grades possible. That did not last. I am going to take this as a major learning experience. I will try harder next time. I will do my best. I will not let doubt cross my mind and destroy a semester of school for me. Yeah, I am only at a junior college but still. It is part of my life that I need to focus more on. I want to have my A.A. in a couple of years. I won't have had amazing grades but I will have reached my goal of a degree if the Lord will allow me to finish before my children come along.

I work as a fill in at a preschool right now along with my part time job at a caramel company. I love both of my jobs! They are so fun. I really enjoy being able to have two totally different jobs. It is good to experience different work ethics and environments. I was playing with the kids outside today and was thinking about my future. When will I get to have children of my own? I know. I have to find the daddy of these kids first. But I really was putting in a lot of thought today. I love these little ones and am kinda sad when I have to leave at the end of my shift. I really love their sweet spirits and little voices. They are so cute and loving. One of them told me today when I was preparing lunch that me loved me. I was so touched by his words that I was taken  aback for a minute. He barely knows me and yet he loves me. I can't even begin to comprehend the love that  my Savoir and Heavenly Father have for me when they know me so much more than this little boy. It makes me wonder what kind of love other little kids and people have for me even if they know me from running into each other at the store or church. It is crazy to think about. I can't possibly imagine life without love. I was talking to a friend the other night, I asked what they would do for their last day on earth. I was happy to hear that they would spend their last day helping others and giving everything that they could while having fun and making memories for family and friends. It was so nice to hear what someone else had to say about the subject. I found it very comforting to know that there are people who care so much for others that they would spend their last day of life on this earth serving others.

I will be going to Sac for a lecture on real estate in the morning. The Property Brothers will be the ones speaking. I am excited to learn about real estate. Even if I don't get a job in that field it will still be helpful to know about that stuff. But now I need to hop off to bed now. I need to be up bright and early.

-Sarah

Midnight post.

Ah, the good ole blog. Eh, I guess not that old. Today I was able to go the the Antique Trove with my dear cousin who is leaving this week for a trip. Sadly she will be gone all summer then fall with school. I was so grateful to be able to hang out with her before she leaves. I hope that we are able to see each other once more before she departs. I am really going to miss her.

Music. I love it. I adore the sweet sounds of different instruments in my ears. I don't know how life would be if music were not alive in this world. I bought four records today. One is a Frank Sinatra album. I got home and put it on the record player very first. I adore the older sounds. The crackles and the beautiful voices. I often wonder what it would be like to have lived around the 1950's and 60's. To have such class and ladylikeness in what seems to be a simple time. When it was normal to work hard for what you wanted. Not just ask and get it. I do long for people to know more about household keeping and how to dress better. Is it really that hard to cover up? I don't see how showing off everything that is sacred is ok in some minds. It is just one of those things that I probably wont understand in this life.

Yep. I am jumping all around here. I like to talk about different things. And it is my blog so I can be a brat and jump from topic to topic.

Anywho. I should probably head off to bed now.

Night!

-Sarah

In my ears.

Right now I am listening to a really cool song. It is called Titanium by David Guetta this version is a cover by Sam Tsui. It is a very lovely song. One line from the song that I really enjoy is "Shoot me down but I won't fall, I am Titanium." It makes me think of how strong we should be as members of this church. We should be so strong that we are able to say "shoot me down" with whatever they have to throw our way. We should be immovable in our beliefs. Not unsure about what we want to stand for. The winners of the battle have already been chosen. There is no need to wait for the light bulb to light up above our heads. It won't.

My essay for the month. Its a long one.

I have been thinking the last few weeks about how I act towards others. I have a really bad habit of being rather rude or disrespectful in some of the things that I say to others. I am not sure what the exact cause or "root" of this problem is but I would like to fix it. I grew up in one Stake of my church for almost all of my life. Because I was home schooled, I was, what could be marked as bullied throughout my experience in Primary and Young Women's. I was unable to grasp the concept of why I was being treated the way that I was. I thought that the reason I was bullied for being home schooled was all my fault. I sometimes still feel that way. I don't try too, but I am human and tend to think of it because of how long it lasted. It hurt. I did not express my true feelings to anyone, ever. I kept it all to myself. I hid it from others. My pain and fear of the world. My disrespect and lack of love for myself and conflicting thoughts on the matter. I never sought out help. I did not know what to do or say. I was completely alone during that time. I still hide myself from others because I still don't know what to do or say sometimes I don't try too. It just happens. I lived in UT for 9 months and loved it. But it was not until the last few months there that I was able to completely open up to someone. She opened up to me on some personal matters and I did to her. We were able to just vent about our lives and the disappointments and anger that we felt for the way we had to live. We were able to become really close from that time we spent together as friends. I was unable to stay in UT for long after I had opened up. We shared so many beliefs and had an understanding of each other that I had not been able to find in anyone before. I am extremely grateful that she was put in my life even for the small time frame that we were roommates. I will never forget her and will always have a special place in my heart just for her for being able to listen and understand me.    I still felt a little sad and angry about what had happened even after I had opened up to her. How could someone just get rid of all the thoughts of their mind that had built up over such a long time. The whole experience lasted about 11 1/2 years give or take. Yeah, that's right. You did not read it wrong. 11 and a half years of hatred and anger towards myself from acts that I did not cause or wish upon myself. That is more than anyone should ever have to deal with and because of the little knowledge that I had on the subject I was unable to get any kind of help for myself. Can you imagine the stress that builds up on ones body and mind from that? It is hard for me to even grasp onto the thought of it too. And it was about me and my life. It was not until after I had graduated from high school that I realized that it had nothing to do with what I could control but rather what I could not control. I could not keep people from hating me or treating me the way that they did because it was far from me. I still have a hard time with what happened then. I had no ability to make it stop. But I am the type of person that has to think things through to find out why it happened. So it is a constant frame of mind for me. Something that I will always carry throughout my life and probably into the next. It is not something that I am supposed to know in this life but, I believe that the true purpose of why I needed that experience will be explained to me later the in eternities. The only good thing that I know came from it is that I have the ability to give my all for people. Throughout the entire ordeal I was always tried to think of how I could help others. Even those who were hurting me. I always wanted to be the better person if I could. I would help clean up after activities and volunteer to help before so that I did not have to hang around those that did not like me. I would talk to the leaders at church and try to block out what was going on around me. I did my best to love others even though I was not receiving it in return. I am grateful that the way I was treated did not effect my standing as a member of The Church. My Church has always been there for me. In my struggles I had Young Women lessons, General Conference, the Temple, some amazing leaders and one Amazing Bishop to guide and help me learn about what I needed to strive for in my life. I have become a better person because of the things that I was able to learn through them. I do not think that I would be a Faithful Member if I did not choose to keep going to church when I was younger and to listen to what was being said. If I had given up then my whole life to this point would be a wreck. I chose to stay close to my beliefs because I knew that there was something better just waiting for me if I sought after it. I am in no way a perfect member of the church but I can stand and say that I will be a witness of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints because I believe the restored Gospel and my Savior to be the truths and good in this life. I believe that everything happens for a reason. That there is a plan that was set forth before we came here to this life.  I believe that we are supposed to learn lessons to help us. Not to bring us down. I have a better understanding of the trials in this life since I was able to reflect of my own life and past experiences. I needed to be molded a certain way for me to be the person I am now. Even if you don't understand why your are in the place that you are now you should know that it is ALL for the bettering of you in this life. The Lord only gives us trials that we can overcome because of our strengths and because He knows us and the desires of our hearts. That is why I grew up the way I did from what I see. I had to be taught things that would otherwise not have been learned throughout my life. Maybe that is one of the reasons that I act the way I do towards others. Because I do not have a full understanding of what happened to me because of the bullying. Because I am unable to hold back sometimes. I hope that I am able to get rid of these thoughts and words that come to play in my life and become a better person through all this. I don't mean any harm or disrespect but I am human and things happen. The only thing that I can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness for the wrongs that I have committed. I apologize if I have hurt anyone of you. I really did not mean to. If you felt that I had said the wrong things but did not apologize know that I love you so much and would never try to intentionally hurt you. I am trying my best right now to be better. I promise. I want to be nicer and a better friend. I am unable to speak the words that fill my head and heart because I get flustered and panic. I go back to old and nasty habits by sheltering myself to get away from what I may have done. I am so sorry for any wrong doings. I love you. Whoever you are reader.
         
Yep. There is more. -Sorry-

           I want to learn. I want to grow and be the best person that I can throughout the this life and to be able to serve and teach others in the best ways that I can along the way. I want to have a husband that I love more that life itself when the time is right. I want to have a family of my own but I don't want it on my terms. I want it to happen after I have learned my needed lessons so that I am the best person that I can be for my future husband and children. I need to be bent and molded into the right person that my husband will need. That my children will need. Through my hardships and trials that I had for those 11 1/2 years I was able to understand just enough about myself to know that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. I wanted to be able to get married before I turned 20 so that I would be closer to starting my own family. That has not happened. The goal that I set to look forward too while I dealt with the negative emotions was that one day I would be married in the Temple for time and all eternity. I gave myself a challenge to stay strong in the Gospel so that I would be able to marry my Nephi(prince charming) when the time is right. I have not reached that goal yet but am optimistic for what lies ahead. I am excited to see what the rest of this year has  in plan for me. I wonder if I will meet my future husband. Even if I don't get engaged this year I will be totally ok with just having met him. What if I already know him? Who is it if then? I am curious to know how much older than me he will be. I kinda have a thing for guys that are much older than me. No. You will never be able to change that. I will always like older guys. I love the maturity aspect of it all. Yes, not all guys that are older are mature. But who cares, right? Not everyone is mature after they leave their twenties or even their thirties. We are here to learn right? At least, that is what I thought. Why judge where a person will be later in life off of where they are right now*. So what if they don't want to commit or even date anyone right now. It is not our choice to control their life. Never has it been nor will it ever be. How about whether or not to have children in this life? To get married or not? Your problems? No. People are different in so many ways and to say that you know someone based off of what they told you or what you heard is not always right. People can change in an instant. They could change for the better right after they told you something.Would you want that person to only believe the first thing out of your mouth? We can express that we don't like this or that because we are craving attention or because we need to be loved, we're human for that matter. We are here to learn and better ourselves and if we don't catch the drift now we will later in life. Some people want to get their degree right out of high school and others want to wait and not spend the money or time on school at the moment. It is your right to choose what you feel is best and what is comfortable. It may not be the right choice but it is ultimately up to us on where we step. Be it in the Lord's direction or on our personal path. We should not point fingers at others for their choice. We would not want someone to do the same to us right? I certainly do not want that. I have had enough of that. So, lets play nice and leave me to liking the older guys around this town. K? ;)

Let me sum up the first and second parts of this post.

1st- I gave my input on why I think I act the way I do sometimes.
2nd- I have goals and dreams and don't really care for judging others on what has been said or "heard" from a person(s).

*Yes, I went in a totally different direction than I had first planned but this is my blog and if you don't like it stop reading it. I'm sorry, but I feel that I need to say specific things to my readers for reasons that are unknown to me at this time.

**Yay! The essay is complete. I have given my 2 cents(100 dollars more like) worth for now. Yes, I write a lot. But, I don't always write for myself. It is for the understanding and growth of others. What I can not speak to you in person will be placed on here. If you still choose to read my blog after all I have to write, then thank you for desiring to know what I have to say.

***(By the way. I don't mean to sound harsh but some things need to be said and this is the only way I know how to say it without pointing any fingers directly at someone)
Good morning from me. Have a wonderful week!

-Sarah

Ah, the stresses of going back to school(In other words, an essay...).

I started school at the local community college the month. I was so excited to go back to school, but now it has faded a little bit. Sadly I have no drive for school right now. Even after a run I kind of want to quit. I lost my motivation for school. Added to that I have probably one of the most stressful jobs right now. I was trained for a little over three weeks on how to run the business and be able to work by myself but in all the training I was never able to run through everything all at once to get myself into the flow of what my job entails. This week I have to take everything I know and put it all together on my own with my boss at the other end of the state. Crazy, right? I also have school and another job to squeeze into the mess. So much all at once. Never have I had to deal with this kind of stress. When I was living on  my own I didn't have any kind of stress like this, and I was living a state away from my family without any family friends near by. Well I guess I will have to put on an extra pair of big girl panties and charge right ahead.

Other than school and work my life has been pretty good. I sadly am four months behind on my braces treatment. I have two appointments for two different Ortho offices to see which office can offer me the best deal but also finish my treatment how I would like. My insurance does not cover braces after 19 years old. I am turning 21 in five months. I missed that boat by quite a few months. If I am able to finish my treatment on schedule I will have them off before the new year! I would love to get them off by then, if not starting the new year with getting them off will be fine.

So, school wise I am hoping to be able to transfer somewhere in state for a degree in Nutrition. I hope that I am able to get into a university before I get married but if not, I believe that it would be an adventure for my husband and I to start our lives out with. I would like to be able to go to school down south around the LA area. I love food and I have a feeling that being close to all the independent restaurants and food trucks so I can explore what our state has to offer for our health and well being. I love to run and don't want to fall into bad habits and become unhealthy so finding out what there is to eat outside of my home while going to school for a degree in Nutrition would be grand.

Sorry for the essay. I have not been on here in a while and just wanted to update you all with what is up in my world right now.

I can officially say that I lived in Provo, Utah and did not end up getting married. It was a wonderful experience to be able to live on my own for a while. I made some amazing friends and got to learn a lot about life. I loved my roommates. They taught me so much. I do not think that I would have been able to learn what I did while living at home. I had a wonderful calling in the ward that I was in. I was able to go to the Temple every month. I went on some great dates and had a blast at my ward parties and activities. Sadly I was unable to stay for longer than nine months but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I was able to take time off from work and travel by train back to California to spend time with my family and then head off with them to Canada to spend a week with my mother's parents. While there we went to the Calgary Stampede and then go to the Royal Tyrall Dinosaur Museum. We were able to go Five Pin Bowling while there. After bowling, Haley her friend Anne and I were able to check out the local city shops for clothes. We were unable to find anything to buy, but we loved the shops and little cafe's that were along the way. We took the bus back and were able to spend some time talking and catching up on what had been gong on since we were last in Canada. It was great to be able to just talk and enjoy the view of the city while we drove home. We also went to the mall while we were in Calgary. Shopping in another country is so much more fun that shopping at the local mall( believe me, I was trying to find some clothes here. Didn't work out so well). I was in love with more than half of the clothes that were there. I wish that I was able to afford all the clothes that we saw.

Again, sorry for the essay.

Random thought. In 5 months and a few days I will be 21! Legal....to do whatever Mormon's do at 21.

-Sarah