Our garden!

My dad has wanted to start a garden for a while now and this year we finally started one! We have corn, green beans, strawberries, cucumber, squash, 4 types of tomatoes, basil, watermelon and about 6 different types of lettuce. Here are some pictures of the garden.

These pictures are just about a week old. Some of the corn plants are taller than me! Don't mind my toes in the fourth picture. I was able to make a vegan pesto with the basil that we grew. This is what it looked like.

Pretty huh? It is a very light pesto because it does not have any parmesan cheese in it so my mom can eat it too. I picked some of the veggies two days ago and this is what I ended up with.

My mother, sisters and I took a drive to look for sticks on a nature walk. My mom wanted to use them for some crafts that she had planned. While we were driving I noticed a banner for a farmers market in Forest Hill. I may have begged a little(a lot) to go. We were able to see a little of what some of the locals had to offer. Not a lot of farmers were there. There were more people with handmade items. I was able to try some really yummy fig balsamic vinegar at the first stand. The market was small but nice for how far out of the way the town is.I want to head over to the Auburn Farmers market one of these days. It is supposed to be one of the best here in the Sacramento area. We have a farmers market by our mall on Saturday mornings that I want to check out. I would like to find someone who sells raw honey. Raw honey on a PB sandwich is the best. So sweet and creamy. 

Since my life has not been crazy enough to post on here and that it is too late to think. I will just end this post now. I hope you enjoyed the pictures of our garden. Don't worry I will have a long post about random this from my life sometime before next week comes along.

-Sarah

P.S. Should I start a food blog for all the new recipes I will be trying this Summer/Fall? Let me know in the comments section what you think.

Knots in my stomach and other things.

I don't know why but I have had knots in my stomach for the past 4-5 hours. I know that they are not from thinking about school or work. Why are they there? Is it part of a sixth sense? A random thought hiding in the back of my brain? Is something supposed to happen? So many questions but, no answer. I had these knots last week for a few hours a day then they came back Monday morning. I am puzzled as to why I keep feeling this way. I have been thinking about things that have happened these past couple of days and the past few weeks they may be the cause of this feeling. Last time I had such a feeling it found out that I was supposed to move to Utah. Am I going to move somewhere? Is there someone who I will be meeting that will make a big difference in my life or that I am going to impact? Have I already met this person? I know. I need to stop questioning so much and just relax a little. Breath   

I have two days left at school before the semester ends. It is crazy to think that we are done next week. My teachers said that it would fly by. I remembered them saying it. It is crazy that it has happened. I got two jobs and am finishing up this semester. I will finally be able to continue my treatment for my braces! I am excited! I have to call in the morning to make the appointments to start again. I hope that they have openings for next week or the week after that. I don't want to wait any longer than that. Don't get me wrong. I love these bad boys to death. They are fixing my teeth and I love them for it. I am not looking forward to the adjusting though. It will be just like the very first time. I will rest that day. Hopefully I can get a Friday appointment.

Hmm. Thoughts. On texting that is. I was remembering back on a night that I spent with some people. Everyone was on their phone at one point. It lasted about 5 minutes. Yes. I did count the minutes. I was so sad. I don't think that I showed it to them. I could not believe that someone let alone 4 people would be so disrespectful as to hop on their phones and just pay attention to them. I did not get on my phone that night. I don't think I even looked at it for the rest of the evening. I was so sick of it. I wanted to throw all electronic devices away because of the stupidity of them. Why would you let yourself lose all respect for the company that you had and focus just on a phone. Why is the person on the other end more important that me or any of the other people at the table. Am I overreacting to this? No. Never. It should not be OK to turn away from people when you can't think of something to say. Ask about their toothbrush. The latest drug raid. What they think of their hometown. So many things to think of. If, by chance, you draw a blank. Pull out your fancy phone to Google questions to ask but tell them first. Say that you want to ask some crazy questions and are going to look for a fun list. I am sure that one could find a rather extensive list of things to ask that could lead to a conversation so amazing that one would forget everything in the world because it is so cool. I am glad that I don't have a smart phone. I think that I would become dumber from it. When I had my iPod Touch I did not put any type of game on it. I did not want to waste my life on a game. I also did not want to be disrespectful of anyone and shut them out because I thought that in that moment my electronic device was worth more in the world than they were.

Can I just also add that I do not like texting? I can't feel their emotion. I am unable to see the pain or happiness that they are currently feeling. I want to understand you. Not guess about what I think you might have meant. I love to write(hence the blog). I love to understand people through writing but nowadays people have these short blurbs that they send back and forth. Then they complain about not knowing the person. Well then, get off the phone and talk in person. Like a real human being. Or call them up. If you are unsure about whether or not they can talk send them a text to ask first. I believe that I am one of the select few who still text like they send an email. Not a brb, lol, ttyl or gtg. But a "Hey how are you doing today?". I will sometimes put "What's up?" in a message but for the most part I do not like this text lingo. I can't understand it or the person that is sending it. I misunderstand things all the time because of how little wording people use. Sorry if my reply has nothing to do with what you were thinking. It had everything to so with what I thought you meant though. I am just not able to catch what you were trying to say in your four word message. I do still text though. I have not completely given up on it. I will text you if I really want to talk to you. Or I will text you about where we are meeting to hang out. I would rather talk to you in person. I like talking to people. No matter how nervous I get, I still prefer talking to texting someone any day of the week. I feel like I can be a better friend if I talked in person to them.

Well I will stop complaining now.

Goodnight world!

-Sarah <3

End of the semester-ish.

This is the weekend of the third to last week of school. Lets just say that I did not really enjoy this semester as much as I could have. I will admit it. I have homework that was due weeks ago to finish this next week. I lost all motivation to do it. I am slowly getting it done now. At the end of the semester. Exactly what I did not want to do. I wanted to study my rear end off for the best grades possible. That did not last. I am going to take this as a major learning experience. I will try harder next time. I will do my best. I will not let doubt cross my mind and destroy a semester of school for me. Yeah, I am only at a junior college but still. It is part of my life that I need to focus more on. I want to have my A.A. in a couple of years. I won't have had amazing grades but I will have reached my goal of a degree if the Lord will allow me to finish before my children come along.

I work as a fill in at a preschool right now along with my part time job at a caramel company. I love both of my jobs! They are so fun. I really enjoy being able to have two totally different jobs. It is good to experience different work ethics and environments. I was playing with the kids outside today and was thinking about my future. When will I get to have children of my own? I know. I have to find the daddy of these kids first. But I really was putting in a lot of thought today. I love these little ones and am kinda sad when I have to leave at the end of my shift. I really love their sweet spirits and little voices. They are so cute and loving. One of them told me today when I was preparing lunch that me loved me. I was so touched by his words that I was taken  aback for a minute. He barely knows me and yet he loves me. I can't even begin to comprehend the love that  my Savoir and Heavenly Father have for me when they know me so much more than this little boy. It makes me wonder what kind of love other little kids and people have for me even if they know me from running into each other at the store or church. It is crazy to think about. I can't possibly imagine life without love. I was talking to a friend the other night, I asked what they would do for their last day on earth. I was happy to hear that they would spend their last day helping others and giving everything that they could while having fun and making memories for family and friends. It was so nice to hear what someone else had to say about the subject. I found it very comforting to know that there are people who care so much for others that they would spend their last day of life on this earth serving others.

I will be going to Sac for a lecture on real estate in the morning. The Property Brothers will be the ones speaking. I am excited to learn about real estate. Even if I don't get a job in that field it will still be helpful to know about that stuff. But now I need to hop off to bed now. I need to be up bright and early.

-Sarah

Midnight post.

Ah, the good ole blog. Eh, I guess not that old. Today I was able to go the the Antique Trove with my dear cousin who is leaving this week for a trip. Sadly she will be gone all summer then fall with school. I was so grateful to be able to hang out with her before she leaves. I hope that we are able to see each other once more before she departs. I am really going to miss her.

Music. I love it. I adore the sweet sounds of different instruments in my ears. I don't know how life would be if music were not alive in this world. I bought four records today. One is a Frank Sinatra album. I got home and put it on the record player very first. I adore the older sounds. The crackles and the beautiful voices. I often wonder what it would be like to have lived around the 1950's and 60's. To have such class and ladylikeness in what seems to be a simple time. When it was normal to work hard for what you wanted. Not just ask and get it. I do long for people to know more about household keeping and how to dress better. Is it really that hard to cover up? I don't see how showing off everything that is sacred is ok in some minds. It is just one of those things that I probably wont understand in this life.

Yep. I am jumping all around here. I like to talk about different things. And it is my blog so I can be a brat and jump from topic to topic.

Anywho. I should probably head off to bed now.

Night!

-Sarah

In my ears.

Right now I am listening to a really cool song. It is called Titanium by David Guetta this version is a cover by Sam Tsui. It is a very lovely song. One line from the song that I really enjoy is "Shoot me down but I won't fall, I am Titanium." It makes me think of how strong we should be as members of this church. We should be so strong that we are able to say "shoot me down" with whatever they have to throw our way. We should be immovable in our beliefs. Not unsure about what we want to stand for. The winners of the battle have already been chosen. There is no need to wait for the light bulb to light up above our heads. It won't.

My essay for the month. Its a long one.

I have been thinking the last few weeks about how I act towards others. I have a really bad habit of being rather rude or disrespectful in some of the things that I say to others. I am not sure what the exact cause or "root" of this problem is but I would like to fix it. I grew up in one Stake of my church for almost all of my life. Because I was home schooled, I was, what could be marked as bullied throughout my experience in Primary and Young Women's. I was unable to grasp the concept of why I was being treated the way that I was. I thought that the reason I was bullied for being home schooled was all my fault. I sometimes still feel that way. I don't try too, but I am human and tend to think of it because of how long it lasted. It hurt. I did not express my true feelings to anyone, ever. I kept it all to myself. I hid it from others. My pain and fear of the world. My disrespect and lack of love for myself and conflicting thoughts on the matter. I never sought out help. I did not know what to do or say. I was completely alone during that time. I still hide myself from others because I still don't know what to do or say sometimes I don't try too. It just happens. I lived in UT for 9 months and loved it. But it was not until the last few months there that I was able to completely open up to someone. She opened up to me on some personal matters and I did to her. We were able to just vent about our lives and the disappointments and anger that we felt for the way we had to live. We were able to become really close from that time we spent together as friends. I was unable to stay in UT for long after I had opened up. We shared so many beliefs and had an understanding of each other that I had not been able to find in anyone before. I am extremely grateful that she was put in my life even for the small time frame that we were roommates. I will never forget her and will always have a special place in my heart just for her for being able to listen and understand me.    I still felt a little sad and angry about what had happened even after I had opened up to her. How could someone just get rid of all the thoughts of their mind that had built up over such a long time. The whole experience lasted about 11 1/2 years give or take. Yeah, that's right. You did not read it wrong. 11 and a half years of hatred and anger towards myself from acts that I did not cause or wish upon myself. That is more than anyone should ever have to deal with and because of the little knowledge that I had on the subject I was unable to get any kind of help for myself. Can you imagine the stress that builds up on ones body and mind from that? It is hard for me to even grasp onto the thought of it too. And it was about me and my life. It was not until after I had graduated from high school that I realized that it had nothing to do with what I could control but rather what I could not control. I could not keep people from hating me or treating me the way that they did because it was far from me. I still have a hard time with what happened then. I had no ability to make it stop. But I am the type of person that has to think things through to find out why it happened. So it is a constant frame of mind for me. Something that I will always carry throughout my life and probably into the next. It is not something that I am supposed to know in this life but, I believe that the true purpose of why I needed that experience will be explained to me later the in eternities. The only good thing that I know came from it is that I have the ability to give my all for people. Throughout the entire ordeal I was always tried to think of how I could help others. Even those who were hurting me. I always wanted to be the better person if I could. I would help clean up after activities and volunteer to help before so that I did not have to hang around those that did not like me. I would talk to the leaders at church and try to block out what was going on around me. I did my best to love others even though I was not receiving it in return. I am grateful that the way I was treated did not effect my standing as a member of The Church. My Church has always been there for me. In my struggles I had Young Women lessons, General Conference, the Temple, some amazing leaders and one Amazing Bishop to guide and help me learn about what I needed to strive for in my life. I have become a better person because of the things that I was able to learn through them. I do not think that I would be a Faithful Member if I did not choose to keep going to church when I was younger and to listen to what was being said. If I had given up then my whole life to this point would be a wreck. I chose to stay close to my beliefs because I knew that there was something better just waiting for me if I sought after it. I am in no way a perfect member of the church but I can stand and say that I will be a witness of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints because I believe the restored Gospel and my Savior to be the truths and good in this life. I believe that everything happens for a reason. That there is a plan that was set forth before we came here to this life.  I believe that we are supposed to learn lessons to help us. Not to bring us down. I have a better understanding of the trials in this life since I was able to reflect of my own life and past experiences. I needed to be molded a certain way for me to be the person I am now. Even if you don't understand why your are in the place that you are now you should know that it is ALL for the bettering of you in this life. The Lord only gives us trials that we can overcome because of our strengths and because He knows us and the desires of our hearts. That is why I grew up the way I did from what I see. I had to be taught things that would otherwise not have been learned throughout my life. Maybe that is one of the reasons that I act the way I do towards others. Because I do not have a full understanding of what happened to me because of the bullying. Because I am unable to hold back sometimes. I hope that I am able to get rid of these thoughts and words that come to play in my life and become a better person through all this. I don't mean any harm or disrespect but I am human and things happen. The only thing that I can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness for the wrongs that I have committed. I apologize if I have hurt anyone of you. I really did not mean to. If you felt that I had said the wrong things but did not apologize know that I love you so much and would never try to intentionally hurt you. I am trying my best right now to be better. I promise. I want to be nicer and a better friend. I am unable to speak the words that fill my head and heart because I get flustered and panic. I go back to old and nasty habits by sheltering myself to get away from what I may have done. I am so sorry for any wrong doings. I love you. Whoever you are reader.
         
Yep. There is more. -Sorry-

           I want to learn. I want to grow and be the best person that I can throughout the this life and to be able to serve and teach others in the best ways that I can along the way. I want to have a husband that I love more that life itself when the time is right. I want to have a family of my own but I don't want it on my terms. I want it to happen after I have learned my needed lessons so that I am the best person that I can be for my future husband and children. I need to be bent and molded into the right person that my husband will need. That my children will need. Through my hardships and trials that I had for those 11 1/2 years I was able to understand just enough about myself to know that I need to trust in the Lord and in His timing. I wanted to be able to get married before I turned 20 so that I would be closer to starting my own family. That has not happened. The goal that I set to look forward too while I dealt with the negative emotions was that one day I would be married in the Temple for time and all eternity. I gave myself a challenge to stay strong in the Gospel so that I would be able to marry my Nephi(prince charming) when the time is right. I have not reached that goal yet but am optimistic for what lies ahead. I am excited to see what the rest of this year has  in plan for me. I wonder if I will meet my future husband. Even if I don't get engaged this year I will be totally ok with just having met him. What if I already know him? Who is it if then? I am curious to know how much older than me he will be. I kinda have a thing for guys that are much older than me. No. You will never be able to change that. I will always like older guys. I love the maturity aspect of it all. Yes, not all guys that are older are mature. But who cares, right? Not everyone is mature after they leave their twenties or even their thirties. We are here to learn right? At least, that is what I thought. Why judge where a person will be later in life off of where they are right now*. So what if they don't want to commit or even date anyone right now. It is not our choice to control their life. Never has it been nor will it ever be. How about whether or not to have children in this life? To get married or not? Your problems? No. People are different in so many ways and to say that you know someone based off of what they told you or what you heard is not always right. People can change in an instant. They could change for the better right after they told you something.Would you want that person to only believe the first thing out of your mouth? We can express that we don't like this or that because we are craving attention or because we need to be loved, we're human for that matter. We are here to learn and better ourselves and if we don't catch the drift now we will later in life. Some people want to get their degree right out of high school and others want to wait and not spend the money or time on school at the moment. It is your right to choose what you feel is best and what is comfortable. It may not be the right choice but it is ultimately up to us on where we step. Be it in the Lord's direction or on our personal path. We should not point fingers at others for their choice. We would not want someone to do the same to us right? I certainly do not want that. I have had enough of that. So, lets play nice and leave me to liking the older guys around this town. K? ;)

Let me sum up the first and second parts of this post.

1st- I gave my input on why I think I act the way I do sometimes.
2nd- I have goals and dreams and don't really care for judging others on what has been said or "heard" from a person(s).

*Yes, I went in a totally different direction than I had first planned but this is my blog and if you don't like it stop reading it. I'm sorry, but I feel that I need to say specific things to my readers for reasons that are unknown to me at this time.

**Yay! The essay is complete. I have given my 2 cents(100 dollars more like) worth for now. Yes, I write a lot. But, I don't always write for myself. It is for the understanding and growth of others. What I can not speak to you in person will be placed on here. If you still choose to read my blog after all I have to write, then thank you for desiring to know what I have to say.

***(By the way. I don't mean to sound harsh but some things need to be said and this is the only way I know how to say it without pointing any fingers directly at someone)
Good morning from me. Have a wonderful week!

-Sarah

Ah, the stresses of going back to school(In other words, an essay...).

I started school at the local community college the month. I was so excited to go back to school, but now it has faded a little bit. Sadly I have no drive for school right now. Even after a run I kind of want to quit. I lost my motivation for school. Added to that I have probably one of the most stressful jobs right now. I was trained for a little over three weeks on how to run the business and be able to work by myself but in all the training I was never able to run through everything all at once to get myself into the flow of what my job entails. This week I have to take everything I know and put it all together on my own with my boss at the other end of the state. Crazy, right? I also have school and another job to squeeze into the mess. So much all at once. Never have I had to deal with this kind of stress. When I was living on  my own I didn't have any kind of stress like this, and I was living a state away from my family without any family friends near by. Well I guess I will have to put on an extra pair of big girl panties and charge right ahead.

Other than school and work my life has been pretty good. I sadly am four months behind on my braces treatment. I have two appointments for two different Ortho offices to see which office can offer me the best deal but also finish my treatment how I would like. My insurance does not cover braces after 19 years old. I am turning 21 in five months. I missed that boat by quite a few months. If I am able to finish my treatment on schedule I will have them off before the new year! I would love to get them off by then, if not starting the new year with getting them off will be fine.

So, school wise I am hoping to be able to transfer somewhere in state for a degree in Nutrition. I hope that I am able to get into a university before I get married but if not, I believe that it would be an adventure for my husband and I to start our lives out with. I would like to be able to go to school down south around the LA area. I love food and I have a feeling that being close to all the independent restaurants and food trucks so I can explore what our state has to offer for our health and well being. I love to run and don't want to fall into bad habits and become unhealthy so finding out what there is to eat outside of my home while going to school for a degree in Nutrition would be grand.

Sorry for the essay. I have not been on here in a while and just wanted to update you all with what is up in my world right now.

I can officially say that I lived in Provo, Utah and did not end up getting married. It was a wonderful experience to be able to live on my own for a while. I made some amazing friends and got to learn a lot about life. I loved my roommates. They taught me so much. I do not think that I would have been able to learn what I did while living at home. I had a wonderful calling in the ward that I was in. I was able to go to the Temple every month. I went on some great dates and had a blast at my ward parties and activities. Sadly I was unable to stay for longer than nine months but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I was able to take time off from work and travel by train back to California to spend time with my family and then head off with them to Canada to spend a week with my mother's parents. While there we went to the Calgary Stampede and then go to the Royal Tyrall Dinosaur Museum. We were able to go Five Pin Bowling while there. After bowling, Haley her friend Anne and I were able to check out the local city shops for clothes. We were unable to find anything to buy, but we loved the shops and little cafe's that were along the way. We took the bus back and were able to spend some time talking and catching up on what had been gong on since we were last in Canada. It was great to be able to just talk and enjoy the view of the city while we drove home. We also went to the mall while we were in Calgary. Shopping in another country is so much more fun that shopping at the local mall( believe me, I was trying to find some clothes here. Didn't work out so well). I was in love with more than half of the clothes that were there. I wish that I was able to afford all the clothes that we saw.

Again, sorry for the essay.

Random thought. In 5 months and a few days I will be 21! Legal....to do whatever Mormon's do at 21.

-Sarah

Life since my last post...in April.

Hmm. Maybe my goal of blogging often was a bit of stretch. The last post I had was from April. It is now the end of August. So since I have not put anything on here since then I will give a rundown of some of what has happened since then, that is if I can remember any of it.

I got braces! Finally! I have about a year left then I will have the smile I have always wanted. So grateful for the opportunity to straighten out my teeth and open my bite. So now I don't bite my tongue and I can eat corn and not have to worry about it getting stuck in my teeth( now it is my braces that the little corn hairs get stuck in).

I rode a train across Nevada all by myself! I went home and had a great time. I had about a week before we left for Canada to see my Grandparent's and travel around a bit. We went to the Calgary Stampede and had a blast. I was super cranky and tired and kinda freaked out a bit at my family. I had been away from them for so long that I basically forgot how to interact with them. It was a very hard day for me. We went to Drumheller for the Royal Tyrrall Museum( Dinosaurs) and had a lot of fun. The drive out was long but well worth it. We also went shopping at the mall and some of the outlet stores that were around. I got a lot more than I really needed to buy, but I use everything that I bought. Thank heavens. The Sunrise Leisure Center was as awesome as I remember it being. I lost a chunk of the top of my foot to a waters slide. A kiddy slide to be exact. Watch out for dry spots on slides, they will get you when least expect it.

After I got home not much happened. Ooh before my trip I got to hike the "Y". It was a lot of fun. I was somehow stuck between both groups though. Not fast enough for the first group but too fast for the stragglers.

I have been on a total of about 12 dates so far. That includes double dates. Sad day, I know. But it is fine, the last about 4 of those dates were really great. I am glad that they happened because of what I learned from them.

I still am working for the Dentist that hired me when I first moved out here. I really enjoy learning more about how dental offices run. Right now I am learning about insurance claims and how to check out patients. It is a lot of fun being in this office. I hope I will be able to work here for the whole time that I will be living here in Utah. I signed for a year at my complex so now I am stuck here( :D ) I am really enjoying being able to learn how to live on my own without anyone to really rely on. I have learned so much and hope to be able to learn a lot more in my time living on my own.

Right now I am saving up to get a plane ticket out to California for my little sister's baptism. I really hope that I can go. I found out when it will be kinda last minute, so I didn't really get any heads up on how much to save. If I cannot get a plane ticket I will search for an Amtrac ticket there and back and I will just have to take some time off work for it. I hope I can fly though. I would rather be on a plane for a little over an hour and have a lot of time with my family than be stuck on a train for 15 hours and have very limited time with them. If I am not able to go out there I will be getting my tickets for Christmas. I will not miss Christmas with my family.

Um, I can't think of anything else that has happened or that is coming up. So this will end my post for tonight.
Have a good last couple of August 2012 days before September comes.


-Sarah <3

Thoughts.

Can I just vent a little? 

So I am a very secretive person. Very secretive. Like, hide my emotions from others to keep them from worrying about me kind of secretive. I didn't try to be secretive. It just happened. Because I wasn't treated the best for being home schooled. I sheltered myself from the world. I kept to myself and tried not to get in anyone's way. I went a little over the top and sheltered myself from my family too. I was having a hard time and didn't tell anyone. I didn't want people to worry about me. I still don't. I would rather help others than myself. Because this went on for over 12 years it is now second nature to hide my true self from others. I can't really stop myself from this vicious circle that entraps me and controls my almost every thought. I believe that I still keep to myself to avoid being questioned. I am afraid of someone saying that I was bad for keeping it all to myself and not even telling my parents that I was hurting. I still am hurting. I hurt all the time. I try to make it go away. It won't. I still get really sad about random things from my past. There are also things that are or are not happening right now that bother me. I have always wanted someone who will just ask me how I am. Not like a quick "How are you?" but a genuine "Are you ok?", "How can I help you?", "Do you want someone to talk to?". I have had really good friends but never someone who would just stop and listen to me. I think I am afraid of them jumping in and talking about what they had to deal with instead of just listening to what I have to say. A lot of people just jump in when I try to speak. I don't understand why it is so hard to just be quite and listen. I can sit with a group of people and listen to everyone and catch almost everything that is said. I really can. I have noticed that people don't really want to get to know me. They just want to pass their time until someone better comes along. I have stood in groups and had all the girls talk with each other and not ask me anything. Not even a simple how are you doing. It's really hard to stay strong emotionally when no one wants to show that they care. I could probably be studied for years because of how I feel. Is there anyone who truly wants to know the deep dark secrets of my life? Anyone? I have so much to say but can't because I don't feel like I can trust anyone. I have a hard time telling girls my secrets because of how loosely they talk of other's secrets. I hear of all these problems that were not supposed to be talked about. They still tell. I have never heard a guy share a buddy's secrets with others. Why do they have more respect for what someone has told them in confidence? Why can't girls just be true and keep it a secret? It is really not that hard to keep things that people tell you in trust from others. Really. It's not.
I am sorry for venting so. I just couldn't keep it to myself.
Maybe I want to get married so badly so I can trust someone with my all. I want to cry to someone who wants me to tell everything that is bottled up. All that I went through. Everything I feel and have hidden from myself and others. I want someone to love me. I have never really experienced what it is like to have someone of the opposite sex who is not related love me. I see all these girls with guys that just adore them and want to know what that are thinking. What he thinks of her. Can I just get a little snippet of their thoughts? Please? Just to help me understand a little better for when I see more couples that are so close and love each other so. Just a little would be ok with me.

Just breath.


Maybe it isn't the best to vent via blog post but I feel a lot better knowing that someone or many know of a little part of my thoughts.


I am done now. You can go back to whatever you were doing.

Happy spring by the way. Flowers are all over. New buds on the trees and all bulbs in bloom. So pretty.

Finally!!! Provo.

SO, I am finally on here!!!!! I have been waiting for something good to pop up. Not much to do, but I am having a blast here so far(when I have something to do that is). I have been having trouble getting to sleep before 3 in the morning:( So because of the fact I have been falling asleep so late I have been waking up really late too. I woke up around 12 today:(  I drew two pictures the first took ma a while then the second was more of a rough draft of a little picture from my drawing book. I have two institute classes each week. Tuesdays and Thursdays. I didn't catch the names of either but that doesn't matter because they are really good. I am not going to lie there are some pretty hot guys here! Some people say they are average but from what I see there are some REALLY good looking guys here. One was making melt inside because he just kept playing with a little girl as if she was his little sister. He is so cute, and tall too! Ah I was looking at the guys from different wards and not to be mean but the girls in those wards have it pretty bad. I got all the good looking ones in my ward!(Ha!) ;) So let me start at the beginning of the whole move....

First. Plan ahead because I left a few things that I really wouldn't mind having with me right now( my marble pastry board, cookie sheets, all my scrubs) The drive was long. It took what seemed like forever to get here. Now it seemed like it wasn't long enough. Thank heavens for food! We were starving and had to wait till we could find a good place to stop. Driving threw Nevada we thought we would find some good places(not the case at all) We stopped at a Burger King and they had no beef to serve because of broiler problems. I spotted a Raley's and we got some sandwiches there. They were ok, but not the best that I have had. We left and finally got to Provo around 1:45 am. We fell asleep at about 2 and then woke up for 8ish for the free continental breakfast, then fell asleep for about two hours while my mom got ready for the day and planned out what she wanted to do while we drove around that day(Thursday). We drove to my apartment and checked in. They front office had a glitch in their computer so the apartment they put me in was full(That place stunk to high heavens!). Oops! I called and went back in to change the key. I was placed in a better apartment, with no smell or nasty fish bowl that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in forever(Thank goodness!) After we brought all my stuff in, I grabbed my clothes for job hunting. I pressed them and we headed out! We stopped at a few places then went for dinner after. Later that night my mom said that she felt like I will get a job with one of the places but I just have to wait for now. Still waiting....

The next day we ate and got all ready for walking around BYU. It took a while to find a place to park. I think a bunch of students park in the visitors parking:(  We walked in and looked around the Music building. Then we headed over to the Cougar Eat for lunch with one of my mom's friends. It was fun. we all got our food then just sat and talked about life and things around Provo. She told me that if I ever need anything to message her via Facebook. I think that it is funny that I will be more likely to get in contact with her via Facebook than phone. After lunch we went to the motel and did really nothing for a while. I slept for a few hours. Then my mom and I went shopping for food for me! I thought the cost would be way higher but, I was proven wrong. The taxes in Utah are so much lower than in Cali. If I had bought the same stuff in Cali it would have been at least 30$+ for the whole lot. We dropped them off at my apartment and I got to show my mom how much room one of my roommates takes up in the fridge. I have one shelf. Nothing of mine is on the door and I have a small spot in the freezer on the door, but that is all I have very little room in there and to top   it off the one who takes up all the room will put her stuff on my shelf. Big no-no in my books. One doesn't simply take up the whole fridge, then use someone else's space because that have more food than they need. Ever. I always clean up after my self but this girl wont even wipe down the counter tops. How, lame. I am not one to be ok with this kind of crap in a shared living space that I am paying for so I have to keep my cool by walking away. She Doesn't care to ask me if it is ok to use my stuff. This afternoon I walked into the kitchen and found some of my paper towel in the sink. Never take my stuff and expect me to stay calm about it. I purposely put MY paper towel on my kitchen box so no one would touch it and she still used it. How do I know one may ask? I keep a bag on the floor for my trash because not even a day after I took the trash out the whole garbage can was completely full. Not cool. So I have a bag for my trash. I Haven't put any of my trash in the shared can to see if any of my stuff would be used. After they left(Her and Her boyfriend). I walked by the trash to see my paper towel in it! I lifted the lid up and found more of my paper towels in it!!! When I noticed the paper towel in the sink I walked around the counter to where my food and kitchen box is and placed the paper towel roll in a way that I would know if they had touched it later on. It had been. I was so ticked off! Like you can't even begin to fathom my disappointment when I discovered this. I wrote a note asking her to please ask if she wanted to use my stuff then told her if she wanted paper towel so badly she should buy her own and not steal mine. Now I know what you're thinking! This girl is over the top about paper towel! No. I am not. I am simply standing my ground when it comes to My personal belongings. If you want something please, don't steal from your neighbors, buy your own. Not a fun surprise for anyone at all.

So, after we dropped my food off we went out for dinner to random places. I wanted Noodles and Company and Brenton wanted Panda Express and My mom was ok with whatever. The next day we shopped for my cleaning stuff and some cooking stuff too. I don't remember what we did that day after shopping. I think we went to BYU for a few books for my mom's school classes. I was way to tired to remember.

Saturday, the last day with my mom and Haley and Brenton was spent in Salt Lake. We went to Distribution and I got a bunch of pictures for my walls. My mom got some stuff for Primary and Brenton got a magazine. After that we went to Temple Square and walked around and went inside the Visitors Center and another building then we randomly were really hungry so we looked around for a place to eat and found out that the mall was closed for construction:( So no food court. We stopped at a place for dinner(I am totally spacing on the name right now) and then met up with a  friend who served a good part of miss mission in our ward and his wife. It was fun! After that we stopped off at one of my mother's old friends house. We lived in that ward she is still in when I was born. S my mom was able to talk for a long time( I slept. It was lovely!) and then I started to mess with Brenton and then was good for a while. Haley and Her man friend drove up to Salt lake and we got a place to stay the night for them and after sitting in the room waiting for it to warm up my mom said that she would rather drive through the night that stay there. So she got her money back, The lady at the front counter was not happy at all! I went back to Provo with David after hugging my mom, Haley and Brenton goodbye and letting a few tears fall. It was scary going out on my own for the first time. I got to my apartment had a really good sleep and woke up, ate and got ready for my first day of church on my own. It was fun! I saw a few cute guys there. That night Amanda my roommate went to a friends house then our Home Teacher came over. He is so sweet! He sat there and listened to all I had to say for like 30+ minutes, and the bonus is, that he is really cute! He has really pretty blue eyes. After we talked, Amanda got back and I changed for Ward prayer. I have never had that before. I loved it! Then we went to one of Amanda's friends house watched a movie then after 12 went out for Mexican food! I got Flan! I hadn't had any since Cancun. It was yummy:) Then we got back and I passed out from being so tired. I had a good sleep.

I had my first FHE on monday last week. It was really good! Tuesday I had institute then watched tv for the rest of the night. Wednesday I really didn't do much. I walked around BYU for a few hours and talked to my best cousin Sierra then I went back to my apartment because my phone almost died on me. I ate and watched some tv then off to bed. Thursday I used the gym in the complex, had institute and then messed around on my laptop before bed. Friday I went to lunch with my awesome Home Teacher at Firehouse Subs. It was so yummy! We sat there, ate and talked for a couple of hours. It was fun! I never really get to just talk to people about random things. I loved it! We talked about food, movies, books, nasty bugs and injuries we had over the years. I had a really good time:)

Saturday I  went to Denny's to see if I could get some change for my laundry card. I ordered my food ate and then when I was paying I asked for cash back and the guy was like" Sorry, we don't give cash back." In my mind I was like "I wouldn't doubt that this is the only Denny's In the world that doesn't give cash back" Every one I have ever been too gave cash back but not this one. But it's all good I got some cash on Monday from when I went shopping for some meat( I was craving hotdogs. I know, random.)

I over slept on Sunday and didn't get to listen to the first session of Stake Conference but it was ok. Then we went back to our complex and after I got my coat we went to the second session. It was really good! I really enjoyed it! FHE from this week was fun! We went ice skating. It was a blast! I really had fun. Yesterday I had institute. It was good and I did my laundry for the first time. It was weird seeing old washers again.

Today was nothing special. Just ate and draw some pictures then blog about random things from my life.
Now that I have vented about my time here I will get off.

Night!
Sarahboolove.